A Heavy Heart Filled with Praise

It is with the heaviest heart that I endeavor to pen these words. I understand that it is appointed unto each of us a time to leave this physical world. In that departure, we must bid farewell to our dearest companions who dwell with us here, in our present estate. This is so that we may find glorious companionship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ; there in that Heavenly home with others who have made the crossing before.

For many, time spent here is filled with personal ambitions: wealth, fame, and worldly gain. Others spend their brief quest here aimlessly: led about by emotions, fleeting decisions, and fanciful notions. Both of these life courses come with pleasure and pain, happiness and sorrow, but also the grandest of all opportunities: redemption through the shed blood of Calvary. Some will choose to embrace this free gift which costs them everything. Others will reject it; holding fast to their everything which is truly worth nothing.

Besides the ambitious and the aimless, there are many types of others who are issued their souls form the very portals of Glory. Each of these having access to the same venue with which to glorify their Master, or not. Of these varying types, I have been intimately acquainted with a particular, and I must call it rare. These are few and far between. These are innocent and free of any personal desires. They have but one goal: to be a living testimony of the magnificent love and power of our Lord. Such is "Little Ryan".

Ryan has been as pure and innocent throughout his life as he was the day his soul entered within my womb. From that point, he has had but one purpose: to bring honor to his Creator. Ryan's presence has brought forth joy, pride, and a love that cannot accurately be described with mere words. Yet, it has also brought about a penetrating tenderness that can only be conceived through suffering.

As I have mothered him, I have witnessed my spiritual vulnerability and reliance upon God manifested through his physical limitations. Throughout his years, he has had wonderful, high times when he was healthy and free of pain. Yet, low times have dipped into an unseen abyss where he has endured countless surgeries, infections, and disorders. And for what? To show the awe-inspiring healing and resiliency that comes from true, undefiled love for God.

Ryan, You are Mommie's inspiration and my hero. My love for you goes beyond space, time, and even life. If you leave this world before me and enter into life anew, my love will always be with you.