Thank You, Lord

I hope you guys don't think I'm trying to pull at your sympathy or anything when I speak about Ryan, because that's not my desire at all.

But the devil tries to perplex me with this situation, you know, he tries to dig at me and tries to tell me that if God really loved me, He wouldn't allow Ryan to go through the things he goes through. And I would be a liar if I tried to tell you that the devil didn't do that. But I just want the devil to know that I thank the Lord anyway. And I know that God's got Ryan in His hands. I just have to learn to trust in the Lord and know that there's nothing really that I can do anyway.

I just want the Lord to know that sometimes even when my head's hanging down, that I love Him anyway and I thank Him anyway.

I wish I could put it into words what it's like to love someone so much that your gut just hurts, and then have to stand to the side and just watch. It's very hard, but I'm sure it's harder for Ryan than it is for me. But, I have to rest and know that God truly loves Ryan more than I ever could.

I just want to tell the Lord, "Thank you." I was told Ryan wouldn't even live, not even a year, and this year, he'll be thirteen. But even if he had only lived a year and a day, that would be more than what anyone expected.

I don't want God to ever think that I'm complaining about taking care of Ryan because it's been the most wonderful experience. And I'll say it until I leave this world, that watching him and seeing him in the state he's in and in a way that is helpless, it truly does show me my condition without my Father.

Lord, I just love you tonight and I'm sorry if I get upset and I'm sorry if I ask questions.

And I ask you guys to forgive me if I seem like I'm downtrodden sometimes, I still have joy in my heart and I still love God with everything in me.