A Heavy Heart Filled with Praise

It is with the heaviest heart that I endeavor to pen these words. I understand that it is appointed unto each of us a time to leave this physical world. In that departure, we must bid farewell to our dearest companions who dwell with us here, in our present estate. This is so that we may find glorious companionship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ; there in that Heavenly home with others who have made the crossing before.

For many, time spent here is filled with personal ambitions: wealth, fame, and worldly gain. Others spend their brief quest here aimlessly: led about by emotions, fleeting decisions, and fanciful notions. Both of these life courses come with pleasure and pain, happiness and sorrow, but also the grandest of all opportunities: redemption through the shed blood of Calvary. Some will choose to embrace this free gift which costs them everything. Others will reject it; holding fast to their everything which is truly worth nothing.

Besides the ambitious and the aimless, there are many types of others who are issued their souls form the very portals of Glory. Each of these having access to the same venue with which to glorify their Master, or not. Of these varying types, I have been intimately acquainted with a particular, and I must call it rare. These are few and far between. These are innocent and free of any personal desires. They have but one goal: to be a living testimony of the magnificent love and power of our Lord. Such is "Little Ryan".

Ryan has been as pure and innocent throughout his life as he was the day his soul entered within my womb. From that point, he has had but one purpose: to bring honor to his Creator. Ryan's presence has brought forth joy, pride, and a love that cannot accurately be described with mere words. Yet, it has also brought about a penetrating tenderness that can only be conceived through suffering.

As I have mothered him, I have witnessed my spiritual vulnerability and reliance upon God manifested through his physical limitations. Throughout his years, he has had wonderful, high times when he was healthy and free of pain. Yet, low times have dipped into an unseen abyss where he has endured countless surgeries, infections, and disorders. And for what? To show the awe-inspiring healing and resiliency that comes from true, undefiled love for God.

Ryan, You are Mommie's inspiration and my hero. My love for you goes beyond space, time, and even life. If you leave this world before me and enter into life anew, my love will always be with you.

About Brother...

YEAHHH!! We successfully moved Ryan into the den and fixed it up with all his special things. Of course, we set up camp in there with him as well. He is such a sweetheart. He has hiccupped for hours now, yet he just managed to give me the biggest Smile!( Boy, we could all learn from his perseverance and temperance. )

Yesterday and today have been a bit taxing on all of us. Brother's Hospice nurse and social worker came out to have a family meeting with us to prepare us all for what may be upcoming in the near future. (The Lord is the only one who truly knows.) Ryan listened to his radio in the bedroom during that meeting- for we do not want to ever say anything that may upset him or cause him any discomfort. That meeting was emotionally exhausting for every member involved.

It was nice that my children were so forthright with their answers and their feelings about Ryan. My kids have an outstanding relationship with both Ryan's nurse and his social worker. In fact, Ms. Jennifer (the nurse) has taken my children on outings, had them over for fun afternoons, and we were even privileged to be part of her wedding. That care and concern for them and for Brother have proven to be very beneficial all the way around. Adam, the social worker, has spent hours with my kids every month just being their friend and a shoulder to lean upon.

I wish I could say that Ryan was feeling good today, but unfortunately that is not the case. He has ran a fever, had hiccups, and multiple seizures. But, he's still smiling. I love him and his strength. Please continue to hold him up in prayer. The greatest thing that we can do for him is seek the will of the Lord for his life.

I want to thank all of you who have prayed and demonstrated support for our amazing little fellow. If you can, keep it up. Feel free to share information about yourself: blogs, phone numbers, addresses, etc. We would love to get to know you all!!

Pictures From Church (Jan 18)

This is Ryan's Bloggy Friend with a few pictures from church tonight. It was wonderful to have Brother and his whole family there at church with us today. At the end of the Sunday night service, Ryan's whole family brought him to the altar and his church family gathered around to have special prayer for the family and Ryan as they go through this time.

Ryan, I just gotta tell ya, you have got a such a sweet spirit. It's awesome.

I'm so glad you were there today, I know your family enjoyed being there with you and it certainly made my day to see you sitting back there in your chair with that big smile on your face.

I love you, big guy, and your church family loves you so much. Hang in there buddy, your mom is very right. You ARE a winner either way!

From Ryan

Hey everybody! I have had a blast the last few days being with you. It is my favorite thing when every one is laughing and having a good time.

Being at church this morning was sure a special blessing. I love music that praises my Lord. I was singing right along in my heart.

Preach it, Bro. Ken... If everyone could feel the love of God the way I do, the altar would always be full!!

I just wanted to tell all of you who are praying for me, "Thank you."

Jesus is always with me reminding me that I have a very special job to do for his kingdom, and that he will help me- no matter what!! I love him, and all of you. Have a smile-full day!!

Love, Brother Ryan

A Time of Uncertainty

So Wednesday has came and gone, and we are all still trying to work through our feelings.

Ryan did very well the whole day, and continues to be fine. For those who are curious or have been praying, Ryan's EEG came with some sobering results. Although he looked to be sleeping, the EEG showed a great deal of seizure activity. The symptoms that Ryan has been experiencing are due to problems with deteriorating brain function. His doctor also told us that he really did not feel optimistic about Ryan's overall neurological condition, and that his main objective at this point in time is to keep him comfortable.

So, now our main objective as a family is to have as much fun as we can with this sweet boy. Our house will undergo a transformation over the next few days to bring Ryan and all his needed equipment into the main room of the house. Daddy and I will camp out there with him at night.

We were blessed to have special friends over on Friday night and to spend the day with other friends on Saturday. Thanks for being there for Ryan and for us.
Everyday we will try to make memories. If you are interested in having some good times and special memories with this awesome little dude, JUST CALL OR BLOG!!

We're starting off today by being at services with our dearest friends: our church family. Everybody have a wonderful day. To God be the glory!! " Ryan is a winner either way. If he stays or if he goes, He's a winner either way!" Only our Heavenly Father knows what's in store for all of us, including Baby Ryan. Let's just trust in his infinite wisdom to do what is the best for Ryan.


P.S. Please pray for my other children during this time. They adore Ryan and will need extra strength to understand all that is going on around them.
Thank You... Mommie (Brother's Keeper)

Pray

Please continue to remember Brother in prayer.

A Good Day

Today has been a good day for Ryan. He has spent most of his day with "Daddy," since I have been busy with church the greatest part of the afternoon.

Wednesday, Ryan is scheduled to see his neurologist. At this visit, he will have an EEG (electroencephalogram). This is a painless procedure that, through the use of some special wires attached to his sweet head and chest, his brain activity can be examined for its quality and normalcy. This test is necessary to determine whether all of these symptoms he is experiencing lately (chronic hiccups, eratic temperature fluctuations, etc.) are due to his central nervous system. I hope the results are positive: but either way, God is in control. Ryan and I trust Him.

Ryan says to tell everybody "Hi," and that he misses seeing you.

Thank You, Lord

I hope you guys don't think I'm trying to pull at your sympathy or anything when I speak about Ryan, because that's not my desire at all.

But the devil tries to perplex me with this situation, you know, he tries to dig at me and tries to tell me that if God really loved me, He wouldn't allow Ryan to go through the things he goes through. And I would be a liar if I tried to tell you that the devil didn't do that. But I just want the devil to know that I thank the Lord anyway. And I know that God's got Ryan in His hands. I just have to learn to trust in the Lord and know that there's nothing really that I can do anyway.

I just want the Lord to know that sometimes even when my head's hanging down, that I love Him anyway and I thank Him anyway.

I wish I could put it into words what it's like to love someone so much that your gut just hurts, and then have to stand to the side and just watch. It's very hard, but I'm sure it's harder for Ryan than it is for me. But, I have to rest and know that God truly loves Ryan more than I ever could.

I just want to tell the Lord, "Thank you." I was told Ryan wouldn't even live, not even a year, and this year, he'll be thirteen. But even if he had only lived a year and a day, that would be more than what anyone expected.

I don't want God to ever think that I'm complaining about taking care of Ryan because it's been the most wonderful experience. And I'll say it until I leave this world, that watching him and seeing him in the state he's in and in a way that is helpless, it truly does show me my condition without my Father.

Lord, I just love you tonight and I'm sorry if I get upset and I'm sorry if I ask questions.

And I ask you guys to forgive me if I seem like I'm downtrodden sometimes, I still have joy in my heart and I still love God with everything in me.

A Note From Ryan

Hello Everybody!!

I am "Brother" Ryan. I am almost a teenager and the brother of 4. I have 2 sisters: Lacy and Sallie, and 2 brothers: Luke and Devin. I am totally the favorite, even though I'm not the "baby."

I think it would be awesome if you guys would talk with me on this blog, because right now, I'm a little "under the weather." My mom takes great care of me though, and she's going to keep you updated on how I'm doing. She can also pass along any messages, so I can't wait to hear from you soon!!