As of Late...

Today has been a better day for my little buddy. Since last Friday, Ryan has had much difficulty breathing. So much so, that the home-care supplier had to deliver another machine for increased oxygen. Last weekend was when things started to decline for Ryan, and the very worst day was Monday (the day of the oxygen delivery.)

His sweet Hospice nurse came out on Monday and subsequently called Brother's doctor. Dr. M prescribed several medications. Over the last several days, Ryan has felt better. He is no longer needing the extra oxygen, but is still dependent on respiratory assistance quite a bit throughout the day and especially at night.

It is during times like this, that as his Moma, I worry very much. I know that I shouldn't: for God is certainly in control. You see, when you love something so much that it actually feels as if it is a part of your very being, nothing seems to soothe your fears. It is difficult for me to fathom that even my Dear Lord himself loves Ryan far more than I. My heart and soul are convinced of God's boundless love, but my human mind sometimes becomes an obstacle; which the Lord so graciously helps me to overcome.

Ryan is not hindered by the silliness of fear or doubt. He is safe and secure in the love of his Lord, regardless of what place his soul dwells. I hurt so much inside over his physical afflictions; yet they do not alter Ryan's spirit. He continues to smile, never complaining. He continues to fight, never waivering.